


Aaand this is why we don't let Rodney talk to the IOA unsupervised

by jendavis



Series: Fly Again [2]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crack, Gen, Gen Work, M/M, Oh Yeah John Has Wings, POV Outsider, Slice of Life, just go with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 11:26:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13386834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jendavis/pseuds/jendavis
Summary: This stemmed from a comment from FeMichelle that became a prompt, whether intended or not.This became total and utter crack due to the amount of coffee I've ingested today.You have been warned.  :)





	Aaand this is why we don't let Rodney talk to the IOA unsupervised

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FeMichelle](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=FeMichelle).



**(Six Months Later)**

"...and _that's_ how you open a gate without killing everyone in the room," Rodney announces to the gathered mass of trainees who are, somehow, ideally-before-the-next-wraith-attack, supposed to become something approximating helpful. Senator Folwell's joined them from upstairs. "Any questions?"

"Okay, you told us about the Athosians, but what planet is _he_ from?"

Rodney glances up from the control panel to survey the now-crowded gateroom, confirming that _yes_ , everyone's made it though. On time, for once. "Oh. Sateda. They're not all that tall."

Lieutenant Schauer is looking at him like he's crazy. "I meant... the one with the wings?"

Right. "That's Colonel Sheppard. He's from Earth." 

"But-"

"He's _also_ a case study in what can happen to idiots who touch things they shouldn't." And he's managed to skip out of show-and-tell for the IOA, so there are several worse things Rodney could be calling him. "So," he continues, "if we could all _focus_ for a minute, and review the gate _opening_ protocols again..."

...it's no use, though. Senator Folwell, Lieutenant Schauer, and the half dozen other SGC transfers can't seem to stop staring at John as he follows Teyla on an excruciatingly slow and circuitous route through the gateroom. They're going to need to tell Lorne, make sure this whole "dumbfounded staring the moment things get weird" thing gets trained out of them _quickly_. 

"At least our new friends are watching from up _here_ ," Zelenka leans over to mutter at him, raising her eyebrows at the new recruits. "And not down there, where they will be watched _back_."

 _No shit._

It's hardly the first time the Athosians have had to wait out a storm here in the city. Even so, Teyla and John seem to be checking in with every single one of them, pointing them towards the same residential quarters they'd used _two months_ ago. 

With the rest of the IOA honchos watching from Carter's office, Rodney has no option but to wait it out, mentally ticking down the minutes while thinking of all of the useful things he _could_ be doing were he not babysitting a bunch of gawking newbies. The gate room is already steaming up from all the _damp_ that had followed everyone through from the mainland. 

Everyone's drenched; Ronon, still keeping John's six as if they were still on the other side of the gate, is wringing enough water out of his dreads that Rodney can hear it splashing up _here_ , much to the amusement of the Athosian kids. John one-ups him, twitching his wings to splatter him again. Which of course has all the kids _dying_ with laughter; Ronon's responding growl does nothing to rein them in. 

Rodney's a patient man, but he has his limits. When the room's finally three-quarters of the way empty, he gets on the comms. 

"If you're _almost_ done, we need the gate room cleared. And then cleaned; did your circus bring _all_ the rain back with you, or did you leave some on the mainland?"

He can see John rolling his eyes from up here. 

But Ronon calls back, looking and sounding about as relieved as it's possible for him to be. "Exactly." Reaching between John's wings for his neck- and again, much to the joy of the children, because apparently this is the height of amusement- he steers him in the direction of their quarters. 

"C'mon," Ronon growls at John, releasing him as they pass below, heading for the corridor. "Let's get cleaned up, I'm starved."

"You'll live." 

" _You_ won't."

"Just for that, I'm using the blue towel."

"You even move for it, and I'm launching you off the balcony."

"And I'll just _fly_ back in and steal it while you're getting cleaned up..."

It's only another minute or so before everyone's cleared away enough for them to prep for another gate opening. _Finally_. 

Rodney turns back to the trainees, sighing as the hands start to go up.

"Any questions? You."

"So..." Lieutenant Schauer is staring back at him with worryingly hopeful eyes. "What are we, uh, _not_ supposed to touch again?"

"Like I said: anything I tell you not to. Next?"

Senator Folwell clears his throat, looking concerned, which at least seems to put the damper on any bad ideas Schauer and the others might be harboring. 

But then he opens his mouth.

"If the city is facing a _towel_ shortage," he says, "can you say that we truly have the capacity to be harboring guests for a month?"

Okay. Rodney knows how to handle stupid questions. This should be easy. "Uh, there's no shortage?"

"Then why were Mr. Dex and Colonel Sheppard-"

 _Shit_. 

"Ronon is particular about his towels. Very finicky, that one."

The senator is unimpressed. Rodney may or may not panic, just a bit.

"It's a Pegasus thing. Nothing to worry about. Now, moving on, before we go through the opening sequence again, are there any _gate_ related questions?"

\--- 

**(Six Hours Later)**

The sound of the door opening is all the warning he gets before Ronon is coming into his lab.

"You know anything about why the IOA cultural attache guy's been spending all afternoon asking me about Pegasus bathing rituals?"

"Uh, no?"

"You sure about that?"

Outside, in the corridor, he can hear John cackling. It's not helping. 

\--- 

**(Six Days Later)**

The IOA meeting's been droning on for about an hour; now that the science team updates are out of the way, Rodney's moved on to meditating on the upcoming puddlejumper navigation unit modifications. He's trying to, at least. But Ronon keeps smirking; John, slouched on his stool next to him, kicks his chair at least twice, trying -and mostly failing- to get him to stop. 

It's distracting and annoying. And then, almost accidentally, Rodney starts listening again. Teyla's going on, in tones even more serious and formal than usual, about the importance of cultural exchange, to the point where the eyes of every single member of the IOA are glazed over. 

"...and it is because of this, and the great mutual respect between our galaxies, that we would like to gift you with this." Carefully, almost reverently, she places a bundle of fabric, wrapped around a- 

-no, it's just a bundle of Athosian fabric. Rough, fuzzy, and, if he remembers correctly, about a foot shorter than the usual requisition-order towels. 

"Traditionally, once used twice by everyone in the village, it is displayed in a place of honor, to reflect the common bond between all people."

Somehow, Ronon and John are managing to keep their faces straight. Rodney manages it himself, even if a sideways glance at Weir's stunned expression sends him into a coughing fit. 

\--- 

**(Six Months Later)**

"Hey Daniel, it's me," Jack says, the sound of traffic thrumming under his voice. "I just got back from a meeting at the White House, and I've got a question for you."

Shoving some papers off of his keyboard, Daniel sits up. "Shoot." 

"Ceremonial towels. Pegasus galaxy. Is that a thing?"

Weird. A quick search through the database seems to confirm it, not that it's complete. "Not that I've heard of, but you know how that goes."

"So you have no idea why the President's got one hanging on his wall?"

"None whatsoever. You want me to look into it?"

"Just curious. Long as it doesn't suddenly become sentient and try brainwashing anyone, I'm thinking we're okay. But let me know, if you hear anything."

"Will do." Daniel brings up the entry screen, clicks into the metadata, and starts to type. 

_Towels_. 

_Ceremonial Objects_

_Unconfirmed, Pending Further Research_.


End file.
